Weathering The Storm…
It’s been two years and I finally feel ready to share how I finally became a mother. The truth is I’m not really ready but it’s time I share. There is someone out there who has a similar story or who is still hoping and praying for this miracle so here I am.
After too many miscarriages, I decided to see a fetal maternal specialist. Truthfully I never heard of such a person. My gyn who I loved never mentioned it until I did. None of my friends who had miscarriages mentioned it. In fact the whole miscarriage conversation rarely ever happens. I can’t say why but even I talk about it like a shooting star whipping by. It just happens. And then you bury those feelings of hurt deep inside with the glimmer of hope you hold on to by a thread. It just happens and life keeps moving with or without you.
How did I find my specialist? My cousin and I were talking about having babies. Yeah we thought we could plan it and do the whole pregnancy, mommy and me, playdate thing together. Then she got pregnant and I was still barren. It’s the word I feel describes it best even now. So my cousin says she worked for a doctor that has been described as “the Man, blessed, the baby nurturer.” So I made an appointment. One pap, one ultrasound and 26 viles of blood later plus an amazing pictorial of my family history with all the fancy symbols only a doctor could string together as art and I was told to take baby aspirin and folate daily. And the moment I got a positive pregnancy test I needed to come in. That was June of 2011.
Fast forward to March 31, 2012 and there I am feeling sick, bloated and miserably awaiting my monthly visitor (that B*%ch) is what I call her. My coworker says “I think your pregnant.” I was like “you think?” We share the same birthday and our cycles aligned to the day, so it could very well be possible. I had a running clinic the next day so I decided to take a test before I dare run those hill repeats again. My body just can’t handle it. And surprise: that B ain’t coming, your pregnant! I called the doctor immediately and was given an appointment for that Thursday. They were serious about coming in right away. Then I called the babe (he’s hubs now but he was babe back then.) Well I sent him a picture of the positive test first and he responded “what’s that?” LOL. Men!
So I head to the doctor, everything is confirmed and I’m immediately put on progesterone and Lovonox. Yes blood thinners! And yes you have to give yourself the shot everyday. EVERYDAY!!! It never got easier. I go home feeling amazed! I start sharing the news but pretty soon I start feeling terrible. That first semester is the cousin of the B! I am seen every week to week and a half to check on the progress of my bud. And then on Monday June 6, I wake up in a pool of blood. I’m devastated. I call the doctor they tell me to come in now. I don’t want to go. I cry no I bawl! I curse, I scream and then I pray. My cousin pulls me together and we head to the doctor. I have bleeding although is heavy enough for a pad, it’s dark and my bud is still in there growing. I can’t explain how I felt. I was still crying. I was happy and sad at the same time. The staff embraces me. You have no idea how the staff was already like family. I get a pep talk from my doctor. He leaves me with “Pray. Believe. Pray.”
And just like that the storm subsides and I’m back to feeling first trimester miserable. I decide to visit my babe and family. And then one day I am in so much pain I can barely crawl! It’s just four weeks after the bleeder. And then I go to the bathroom and it’s there again! But it’s bright and I am back to my deepest darkest barren hole. This time there is no light. At least I can’t see it. We head to the hospital. I’m sent to labor and delivery. What! They do an ultrasound and guess what my miracle is still thriving! Bouncing and dancing (she still loves to dance.) so what is it this time? A degenerating fibroid is the diagnosis. I stay there for 4 or 5 days then I’m released and head back to my doctor.
He immediately stops the blood thinners. The thing is blood thinners help to prevent clots but they can also cause bleeding. He agreed on the fibroid but also felt I was stable enough to stop the blood thinners. Plus I see him weekly and can come in any day at any time if an issue comes up. This man is truly the man!
I progress and before you know it save a few emergency visits that could have been paranoia, I’m 38 weeks and enjoying Thanksgiving dinner. Boy did I eat!
The babe was due in the next day as we were awaiting final confirmation of our scheduled C-Section the following week. Did I mention hurricane Sandy closed down our hospital and our doctor’s main office? So I was up to 3 visits per week and having to navigate traffic to the upper East side to add to the craziness. Plus getting hospitals to approve my doctor’s credentials and his long list of expecting mothers. It was something. Sandy is still a nickname we use for Sugar Plum Z. It fits her perfectly.
Back to Black Friday. I woke up with chest pains! First I’m thinking it has to be all the over indulging I did at Thanksgiving dinner but then it got worse. I call the doctor and get someone on call who tells me to go the ER NOW! I’m freaking out. The babe is flying through the streets and in a blink I’m hooked up to an EKG. Is this a heart attack? And then my uncle, aunts, cousins and family friends come storming in. It’s like a family reunion in the waiting room. Yes dramatics. The test come back with nothing. The pain subsides after a few days but then the vomiting takes over. I see my doctor on the Monday. All is well except I spend the visit and the rest of the day vomiting. Then I feel better. Must have been the call that things are a go for Thursday! Yay.
Thursday comes and then… Part 2